I was at the bank recently and the
teller asked me of 2013 was going to be a good year? I answered with an affirming YES but as I thought about it, I
realized I have no idea what this year is going to bring. I was struck by the realization of how little
control I actually have over what is to come.
Will I have to bury a loved one? Will my husband lose his job? Will I get a phone call telling me that the
test results we not good? No, I really have no idea what this year will bring
and that can be kind of scary.
The future and the fear of what it
might hold is something I struggle with.
I have a feeling I am not alone in this.
It is hard not knowing…not being able to control the outcome. I worry about my kids and the choices they
will make. I worry about my health; will
cancer take me like it did my mom? I
worry about Eric dying and how I would survive that. It is easy to worry once you get going.
There is a part of me that believes
that by worrying I will somehow prepare myself for the things I fear. That I
have some control. That I will be able to get through it easier. That it won’t hurt as much. Which is the furthest thing from the
truth. In reality, worry accomplishes
nothing good in my life. When I worry
about the future it only serves to cripple me in the present. It robs me of experiencing and participating
in the goodness and love that is happening all around me in this very moment.
I want to learn how to live in the present. I think that is where God wants me to
be. He doesn’t want me live in the past
or in the future. He wants me to live in
the here and now. He wants me to trust
Him with the future and not worry about what may come. He wants me to enjoy the life he has given
me. He wants me to love and experience
being loved. He wants heal my hurts and
make me whole. He wants me to laugh and
sing and dance.
I don’t know what this year will
bring. I am sure there will be
difficult, hard things I will face but there will also be good things as well. So, I am going to try to worry less about the
things I fear might happen and focus more on what is actually happening. I am going to try to live in the present and
leave the future to God. I am going to
try to live… really live.
