I was at the bank recently and the teller asked me of 2013 was going to be a good year? I answered with an affirming YES but as I thought about it, I realized I have no idea what this year is going to bring. I was struck by the realization of how little control I actually have over what is to come. Will I have to bury a loved one? Will my husband lose his job? Will I get a phone call telling me that the test results we not good? No, I really have no idea what this year will bring and that can be kind of scary.
The future and the fear of what it might hold is something I struggle with. I have a feeling I am not alone in this. It is hard not knowing…not being able to control the outcome. I worry about my kids and the choices they will make. I worry about my health; will cancer take me like it did my mom? I worry about Eric dying and how I would survive that. It is easy to worry once you get going.
There is a part of me that believes that by worrying I will somehow prepare myself for the things I fear. That I have some control. That I will be able to get through it easier. That it won’t hurt as much. Which is the furthest thing from the truth. In reality, worry accomplishes nothing good in my life. When I worry about the future it only serves to cripple me in the present. It robs me of experiencing and participating in the goodness and love that is happening all around me in this very moment.
I want to learn how to live in the present. I think that is where God wants me to be. He doesn’t want me live in the past or in the future. He wants me to live in the here and now. He wants me to trust Him with the future and not worry about what may come. He wants me to enjoy the life he has given me. He wants me to love and experience being loved. He wants heal my hurts and make me whole. He wants me to laugh and sing and dance.
I don’t know what this year will bring. I am sure there will be difficult, hard things I will face but there will also be good things as well. So, I am going to try to worry less about the things I fear might happen and focus more on what is actually happening. I am going to try to live in the present and leave the future to God. I am going to try to live… really live.