Friday, June 1, 2012

Rocket Pants...

Okay, this past week has had its’ fair share of stress.  Not only for me but for friends as well (flying rocks & broken windows). So, I thought everyone could use a laugh….at my expense.  That’s right, I am willing to take one for the team.

It was September of 2005 and I was 8 months pregnant with Ethan.  My mother-in-law took Nick for the day and I was free to do WHATEVER I wanted.  Being pregnant and always hungry, my first stop was the Bagelry.  Oh how I love their veggie spread! 

My next stop was Walmart.  Being able to shop without a 2 year old feels like someone gave you a day at the spa.  As I was heading into the store, I had a few stomach cramps.  I made a mental note that I might need to find a bathroom at some point but no hurry, so I grabbed cart and headed to the baby section.  Well, by the time I got there, the cramps were so bad that I realized I needed to find that bathroom STAT!  Of course the bathroom was like on the other side of the store and I am trying to walk as normal and as fast as I could.  This was a difficult task.  People must have been curious as to why a pregnant woman was speed-walking through Walmart with a panicked look on her face.  But hey, people have seen stranger things in Walmart, right?  I finally make it to the bathroom and head straight for the handicapped stall.  I prefer the bigger stall, more roomy.  When I opened the door, my eyes saw the toilet, and a signal was sent to my brain.  It was all over.  No turning back.  My brain didn’t care that my pants were still on or that I was 5 feet from the toilet. I hurried as fast as I could but to no avail.  So, there I am, a 34 year old woman who just crapped on the floor in Walmart. It was a sight to behold.  Did I mention that as I am sitting on the toilet, shitting my brains out, I was trying to wipe up the floor with 1 ply toilet paper before someone walks in?  Good times…good times.

So, the next time you are in a public bathroom and see crap on the floor or splattered around the toilet, don’t be judgey like me and think, ‘Who just shits on the floor or all over the toilet like that…seriously, what is this world coming to?’ because you NEVER know the whole story. 


  1. We did IVF to have our first child. It made me need to pee like a crazy person for some strange reason. I had many, many close calls. Like you are speeding down a country road with no trees close to the side to hide behind saying, "Oh God NO NO NO!" The shame! Then you have kids and lose all shame. That's a great side effect.

  2. I'm pretty sure I may have pee'd my pants just a little bit the first time I heard you tell this story. So funny. Thanks for sharing it here!